Tom Richardson | InDaily
It’s that time of year again – a moment to reflect on a year that, for many in the Marshall Government, has been a bit of a downer. But fear not, for as Tom Richardson knows, everything sounds better in rhyme.
‘Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the state
Not a creature was crying, except for ‘Old Mate’;
The air cons were thrashing their recycled air
In hopes that a coolish change soon would be there;
Young children were nestled all snug in the knowledge
That Weatherill’s new gig might help them to college
While Knoll with his long-promised council rate cap,
Had just settled down for a mid-summer’s nap,
When out in the sub-branches rose such a clatter,
It wasn’t too hard to tell what was the matter.
The parties were firing up their preselections
To gear themselves up for the next state election
And just when the Right thought they’d dish a shellacking
Up pops McLachlan, with moderate backing
As the Liberals’ Legislative Council lieutenant
Turns his back on state parly to bid for the senate
And what to Steve Marshall’s stunned eyes should appear,
But a factional shitfight to start the new year
His team to the party-room meetings they came,
And he lectured and chided, and called them by name;
“Now Lucas, now Vickie, now Dan VHP,
On Ridgy and Speirsy, now listen to me:
I’m keen to move on from all these misadventures,
But I just can’t convince all my rebel backbenchers!
“They crossed the floor last year in unseemly hurry
And on land tax we couldn’t win over Steve Murray
But there’s one guy down south-east I just can’t abide
Always the bridesmaid, but never McBride!”
To his party-room Marshall unloaded his spleen:
“Give me something to spruik that is not Lot 14!
It’s been two years, and nobody knows what’s our vision
And the state’s jobless rate is still cause for derision.
“This Government caper’s no walk in the park
My ‘Strong Plan for Real Change’ – remember that lark?
But our early momentum is starting to stall:
Daily sod turnings but, beyond that, sod all!”
So Marshall lamented his mid-term malaise,
With the Murray Plan cactus, and roadwork delays
Then an ICAC report ticking off SA Health
And I laughed when I read it, in spite of myself;
And Lucas’s land tax, which pissed off ‘The Base’
As the Treasurer constantly went about-face
To kowtow to the lobby groups, get it through parly,
He dealt with Dan Gannon, and Parnell and Darley
While poor old Nick X took a breather, oppressed
The Government lives with his gift: SA Best
With Connie Bonaros and that right jolly fellow,
One-time ‘foot in the door’ journo, Frankie Pangallo.
With a backbench not backward and a crossbench so cross
It’s no surprise 2019’s been a loss
What with debt, sell-offs, savings, the budget well dry
And tourism boffins making old people cry.
And just when the Lib vote had finally come round,
The slain ALP came right back with a bound.
With Pete Malinauskas blocking new GM laws
And the boundaries in flux from the dumped Fairness Clause
And then, in a twinkling, was parliament closed
Killing off all the Bills that the crossbench opposed
A “bold” new agenda was what Marshall needed
In a manner remindful of the guy he succeeded
So while Jay leaves SA for his new gig in Perth
And Steve Marshall plans his agenda’s re-birth
And their parties gear up for a factional fight
HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!